#30 Lessons I Learned before 30

I am starting to write this approximately 75 days before I turn 30. Sorry guys, not going to lie, I’m not writing this 30 days before turning 30 for the sake of symmetry. It is what it is.

Just like me walking into my 30s is what it is. Which is, I’m basically rolling myself into my 30s, a big lump of all sorts of experiences, and way too many burgers.

When I was about 18 and an aspiring actress (hah!), I once worked on a creative exercise. We were supposed to create a 10-minute theatrical moment that met some basic requirements (e.g. including some singing, some reciting, and so on).

I will save you the details of how that went and what exactly it included (but spoiler alert: it went actually well). Point is that this theatrical moment portrayed a woman somewhere in her 30s, looking back on everything she has learned and on how she has grown since she was a young girl. She was kinda bitter, kinda sad, and kinda lonely, and I am quite grateful I didn’t end up like her and developed a fucking sense of humor in the meantime.

The things “she” learned in her 30 years were, well, kinda soapy, kinda true, and I have kinda experienced most of them myself too. For reference, it was about this text popularly linked with a Romanian writer (but nobody will ever tell you where in his books you’ll find this text, so it’s most likely just internet culture at its finest and cheesiest).

Meh, it’s good, but I wanted this whole series of articles to be all about authenticity (well, authentic failure, in my specific case), so let’s try to do this my way. Cue in My Way. Yes, I know Robbie Williams is not the original, but indulge me a little, will ya?

So here we go.

1. Stop chasing people. The ones who like you don’t need chasing. The ones who don’t will like you even less if you chase them. It’s just a lose-lose situation and chasing will only give you sore muscles and a sore soul.
2. Never wear pastel pink and neon green (did it once, in seventh grade, the headmaster called me on it).
3. Every girl should have a favorite red lipstick and a favorite nude lipstick. It has nothing to do with fads or fashion or appearing to be what you're not. It’s just a quick way to brighten yourself up and set yourself up in a good mindset. It’s also a tip of advice I read somewhere once and I can’t remember where, it sounded like something an elegant lady would share, so here I am, sharing it with you hoping you’ll think I’m elegant and stylish (spoiler alert, I’m not, I’m known to have worn pajamas to work).
4. Skincare. Do it. It doesn’t have to be expensive but do it.
5. Mildly expensive perfume. Do it. Something that makes you feel nice, but isn’t necessarily noticeable from across the room.
6. Stiletto heels. Don’t even bother. They are not a must.
7. Don’t dye your hair too often. You will regret it. No, really, you will. Color it up, but take care of that mane, girl. ‘Cause one day you’ll be looking at it and wish it were your natural color or wish you had more of it like in the old days. I experienced both.
8. Forgive. It doesn’t really matter what happened to you. If you hold on to it, you will always drag it along. If you forgive, you let it fly away — and let yourself fly away from it too.
9. Love. It’s weird and it’s not like in the movies. Sorry, but Eat Pray Love has nothing to do with real life.
10. Don’t be ashamed of your taste in anything. Wear your weird stuff because it’s a part of you. Listen to your completely random selection of music genres because they are part of you. Read whatever the hell you want and watch however many soapy movies you want because it doesn’t make you any less smart, strong, or interesting.
11. Learn how to cook. I haven’t really done this yet, but it’s on that imaginary list.
12. Be strong
13. But don’t forget about your emotions
14. And definitely don’t ugly-cry at work when you get angry with something that didn’t turn out the way you wanted it.
15. Get up on mornings when you just don’t feel like it
16. And put on your favorite red or nude lipstick. It won’t do much and it will not fix your problems, but at least you’ll feel 1% better. Probably. If not, chocolate helps.
17. Eat. Grab a pizza, girl. Pants will always come one size bigger, but life will never come back. I could swear this one’s from Eat Pray Love. What’s up with that movie anyway?
18. But also, take care of your health too. One pizza is fine, one pizza every day is probably just not good for you. Don’t know, though, haven’t really tried this.
19. Be loud
20. And obnoxious
21. But be there for people and shut the heck up when they have something to say.
22. Wear socks around the house.
23. Every now and again, be absolutely honest with yourself, regardless of what other people might tell you, regardless of what all the self-help bull**** might tell you.
24. Do it your way. Not someone else’s way. Just in case the song didn’t make it clear enough.
25. Fail. This is a cliche, true, but it’s a cliche you should probably glue to your mindset. Failure makes you stronger, better, and perhaps a little more likely to have funny stories at parties. Whenever parties will happen again (writing this from 2020, people from the future who’ll study me in school ).
26. Sleep. Also putting this on my imaginary list.
27. Write. It’s good for you, even if you’re not an idiot like me and actually publish it for everyone to see (at least I am lucky nobody ever reads this blog, so there we go, it’s like a confession without the commitment).
28. Read. Due to a series of circumstances and a lot of laziness, I had very long gaps in reading. Years and years of unfinished books. Still working my way back to being an actually consistent reader, so you should probably try to not let your reading muscle get flabby.
29. Stop saying you’re a feminist. Be one by being whatever the heck you want, a mother of 20 or a career woman, or whatever else you may choose to be. And OH GOD IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING HOLY IN THE SPAGHETTI MONSTER BOWL, never, ever, ever judge a woman for her choices. That makes you a scumbag, not a feminist.
30. Be someone you like. Not someone you think other people would like. And whatever you are, be committed to that.

I guess none of this is mind-blowing and at least half of it is stolen advice I have myself received at some point (and chose to ignore for one reason or another, like the fact that I liked walking barefoot around the house).

Bottom line is that you should use your 20s right. I know I did it. I wish I could tell you I have no regrets, but that’s where the song and I split up. I do have regrets.

And I don’t trust anyone who says they have zero regrets about their past, at least in a small measure. They are either lying or inadvertently copying whoever the heck wrote My Way first (there’s some sort of complicated story involving French and English and Sinatra, but not quite Sinatra). They are also kind of inconsiderate towards all the people they’ve hurt. (Do you really not regret breaking someone’s heart or yelling at your mom when you were 14? Seriously?)

With all my failures and all the times when I barely got out of bed, with all the bad mojo I collected as a kid, teen, and as a young woman in her 20s, with all my stuttering and mishaps, and with all the times I fell on my ass because my feet cannot coordinate themselves, I turned out pretty OK in the end.

I cried and I laughed.

I made some people laugh and cry.

I went dark. Very dark.

I went crazy. Batshit crazy.

And then I came back because fuck that, that’s why.

I believed in stupid shit. Like Cosmopolitan articles, esoteric stuff (sorry, I was going through a phase at 17), and the silly idea that people are just good or just bad.

But I eventually found my way back to what I really believe in.

Most importantly, though, I learned that I actually like oatmeal breakfasts.

And socks.

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